Awkward Bumbling Waitress

So now that i have insulted quite a few people I think its only fair to turn the tables on myself for this particular post. I have had several embarrassing/humiliating things happen to me while working. Here are just a few of my not so glorious moments....

1. Dropping money all over the floor and having to scrabble around on my hands and knees picking up dollar notes like a cheap stripper, while may I add, wearing the most revealing short skirt known to man, (not my personal choice,..uniform requirement) go figure!

2. Slipping on butter and flying across the floor where I landed smack on my face, ass in the air, skirt over my head. Best part of this catastrophe was that, (according to my boss) the 2 people i landed next to stopped eating, watched me fall and then carried on eating without even so much of a flinch or attempt to help! Seriously?

3. When clearing a table I dropped a pancake dripping in syrup on the floor and was trying to pick it up with a fork but pieces kept falling off, all the while I'm bent over in short skirt, totally blocking every one's way, now sweating and fumbling hopelessly while bus boys and people rushed past me. Could only think one thing at this point.... "fuck my life".

I tend to make a jack ass of myself pretty often at work, sometimes it's when i find a customer attractive and turn into stuttering, bumbling waitress chick. I end up feeling super awkward and therefore looking super awkward and asking the same questions twice like "can I get you a dessert?" and "so not dessert for you then?" and then lingering just a bit too long at the table before mumbling some crap under my breath and awkwardly shuffling away.

Sometime it's just awkward in general and in the following incident I don't think I was the one to blame...
So I approach a couple at a table, I stand in front of them with my pad out and say, "Hi" Now waiting for a response and when i get none (after what feels like an eternity of silence) the guy finally says, "Are you saying hi because you're going to be our waitress?" Errr... Well yeah dum dum why the fuck else would i be standing here holding a pad like this? (Of course those are the words in my head) when what comes out is.. "That's the general idea", I say, in a somewhat sarcastic tone and he proceeds to give me his order. As I walk away he turns to his girlfriend and says, "That was weird".
A. I can still hear you! and B. Yeah no shit it was weird.. what the hell just happened????