Sunday, October 10, 2010


If your sentences begin with OMG, WTF or TTS... You may have been in this town for too long....

Okay so I appreciated people caring about their health and know that California is one of the few states in the US that isn't riddled with obesity, however, this calorie counting obsession makes me want to smash my head against a wall.

If one more skinny bitch asks me for her dressing on the side I may have to strangle her.

The funny part of this sick obsession is that people really have no idea what the hell they are talking about. Its definitely not about HEALTH concerns.. no, its about weight. I mean ordering your coffee with non fat milk and splenda may keep you skinny but your insides wont be looking so fabulous soon dear.

So I'm serving three Valley girls and their salads with dressing on the side and they all order a coffee with it, not just any coffee of course but 3 decaf, non fat, vanilla lattes. Non-fat? Ha! Non fat my arse. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THOSE LATTES????!!!

Being a striving actress myself I do understand the pressure in Hollywood to be thin and look good, I get it. But I cannot seem to get over how sad is it that talent and hard work have literally NOTHING to do with making it as an actor in this town. Hollywood is obsessed with looks. My friend is 5"4 and about 95 lbs and was just told by her agent, to lose weight. WHAT?! This has in turn, spun her into a spiral of dieting, cocaine abuse and bulimia. It's sick.. literally. I mean Lindsay Lohan? Everyone should leave that poor mess of a girl alone, I'm not in the least bit surprised she turned out the way she did.

As if the acting industry isn't hard enough to break into, we are now having to obsess about everything we eat, how many times we go to the gym, how big our boobs are and how we can fight the aging process. If we don't do this there are other delightful options of course...

1.Go down on your knees and suck the cocks of Hollywood agents, directors, producers or pretty much anyone that has any power.
2. Have sex with a celeb, film it and put the tape online.
3. Become Michael Bay's new "girlfriend".

No thank you. Id rather scrub toilets. Which sadly enough, at this rate, I may end up doing.

I mean take me for example; I'm British, in my twenties and consider myself to be; educated, worldly,hard working, decent looking. I've studied my butt off in London, New York and LA. I have read all the great plays, seen all the great films, had wonderful teachers, have mastered characters and accents, am told by all my teachers I have talent and should be working (well, they are trying to make money after all so do we trust them?!)... and yet here I am blogging about waiting fucking tables. Now don't get me wrong, there are a million of us out there, it's the ongoing joke in Hollywood when you say you are an actress and the response is, "Yeah, what restaurant do you work at?" It's part of the struggle, i get it. However, after 4 years here and day in and day out of miserable waitressing, a string of nightmare agents and zero auditions. I am thoroughly exhausted. Not to mention, I don't appear to be getting any younger!

So I decided to take much needed time out from bubble town before I literally get fired and go to jail for murdering a customer. I realize, as my blogs have become angrier and angrier that for my own safety and all those around me I need a fucking break!!!

It is because of this that I now find myself on a jet plane heading for a 3 week vacation back home. Back to glorious rainy Britain....
Britain, the land where no one gives a shit what you look like.. how fake your boobs are or how many calories are in that salad dressing. Britain, where it's grey and gloomy.. where people snarl at you in the street. Britain, where crazed pigeons fly at your face, everything is a rip off and people are constantly pissed off... These are the reasons I left that country in the first place, but you know what?.. I couldn't be more excited to get back there!


I will be back to my charming waitress self in a few weeks, with no doubt more stories to share.

Bye for now.... cereal waitress xoxo