Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Children... Or as i like to call them.. Arseholes in the making

Either kids now days are reading US Weekly and over dosing on Entertainment Tonight at far too young an age or I have to blame the parents....

I took an order from an 8 year old that went something like this...
"I wanna burger; medium rare with no bun, extra lettuce and a side of steamed broccoli and I want parmesan on the side. Not the powdery one, the shaved one." As my jaw drops to the floor I only have on thought....Scary. Really scary.

This got me thinking about how times have changed since I was a kid. When I was 8 and my parents took me to a restaurant Id pretty much eat what I was given or if anything Id ask for cheese on toast, there's no way Id think to order something medium rare, that's crazy! This then got me comparing England to California.... You just cannot go into a restaurant in London and change the whole menu like you can here. Try it.. Ask a British waiter if you can have your salad chopped, tossed, dressing on side and substitute the romaine for spinach. He will most likely tell you to Piss Off and laugh in your face.

One thing I've discovered about myself is that I really have no idea how to communicate with children. I know that some kids grow up fast but they are still children and need to be spoken to as such. This is when I become socially inept... I literally talk to them as if they are adults.

Example...One child of about 6 years old says, "I wanna burger" to which I stupidly respond, "How would you like that cooked?" To which I get zero response, and his parents look at me as if I'm insane.
Being British I have a filthy mouth on me (as if you hadn't noticed) and I often forget to censor myself around children. I've noticed parents scowl at me like I'm the Anti Christ when I've been loudly talking to one of my co workers about some "Fucking Bitch" at table 107. Oops, sorry.

I really do feel like a total outsider at work when it comes to kids. l feel like all the other waitresses are in on a secret I know nothing about. Whenever a baby or toddler comes in they seem to coo over them in a ridiculous fashion..."Awww look how cute he is." and "Oh my God did you see that baby? Soooo adorable." Am I missing something? Because all I see is a screaming, crying little bastard that's probably keeping it's parents up all night and ruining their sex life.
Of course this makes me feel like a total Arsehole so I find myself lying to fit in.. "Oh yeah...he's so sweet, can't wait to have one myself one day." NAAAHT!

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